The married man has a certain allure to some women. I consulted a female friend of mine who had a couple of affairs with married men and another female friend who is currently a mistress to a married man. Both echoed the same sentiment—the allure of the married man is not that he is forbidden fruit but that he is a proven item. He is proven to be desireable enough for at least one woman to pledge lifelong loyalty and fidelity. You can surmise that he has at least some experience in bed—and if has children, then you can further surmise that he has had multiple experiences in bed—with enough expertise to warrant a woman to have multiple experiences with him. Married men are reputed to be more amorous and more attentive to women. And why not? He is spending a lot of time with a woman such that Malcom Gladwell’s 10,000-hour rule kicks in.
And so I learned from this post than even gay men are attracted to married men. And it is because of this attraction that there is a market for male escorts who are also married. I honestly didn’t know that there such a market even exists. A married man, so says the writer, will “most likely be seen as a ‘real man’ (as opposed to fellow gay men with feminine quirks here and there) who can provide services that would make the gay man ‘feel like a woman’ or at least experience how it is to be a woman for a one-night tryst.” In that sense, it’s no different from a gentleman looking for the intimacy that only an inamorata would provide (i.e. “girlfriend experience”) or a patron looking for that raunchy episode he sees in X-rated videos (i.e., “pornstar experience”). Isn’t that what escorts provide? Don’t they give you the experience that you couldn’t normally experience on your own, or at least without investing an enormous amount of time and effort?
I am no expert in the world of male escorts. I admit having met one about ten years ago not to avail of his services but because he was a handler and he introduced me to his cadre of female escorts. In fact, I only discovered the he was a male escort only through one of his female escorts. She was a good friend of his and when I asked about his clientele, she told me that he typically services gay men as well as a few elder matronas. I can’t imagine the life of a male escort. I definitely would make a lousy one. If I am not attracted to my companion, I don’t think I can maintain an erection. Gay men would definitely be out of the question.
The writer declares that “married people are off-limits.” One of commenters mentioned that “getting involved with married men is wrong and that married men should exert extraordinary efforts to at least maintain the sanctity of marriage.” But in the world of play-for-pay, why should it be wrong for a married man to resort to being an escort and why should it be wrong to engage the services of an escort who is married? I guess it is because of the inevitable questions: if an escort is married, is the escort cheating on his or her spouse? Is the married escort then failing to maintain that sanctity? And is the patron, by being a partner to the act, just as culpable?
I don’t think it’s cheating if the escort is upfront about it with his spouse. It could be hurtful and humiliating but if the escort just does it as a job, then where is the infidelity there? There is a distinction between fucking and making love – fucking is about the sex; making love is, well, about the love. An escort is there to fuck and be fucked by the client. There is – and should be – no love involved. He could imagine that he is making love to his wife while he is fucking his patron and I don’t see any deceit in that but clearly something is amiss if he imagines the patron while he is fucking his spouse.
I cannot help but also picture what happens once they moon light as escorts. I find myself being the wife or the child. Do they know their husband or father is fucking with a gay man? When the man comes home and fucks his wife, does the woman know other eyes have seen, and other bodies have been pleased, by this same man she shares a bed with? How will the daughter react when she grows up and find out the truth about his father’s profession? Will she be scandalized? Will she be grateful his father’s job brought food to the table? If it’s a son, will the young boy continue to idolize his big man? Will the escort’s father be proud?
I suppose all escorts – male or female – wrestle with these dilemmas. Such are the perils of the profession, a peril that is exacerbated by the fact that the escort has a family. I have known escorts who still live under the roof of their parents, escorts who are also wives and mothers, and all have expressed such a fear and as such are guarding their privacy. They use pseudonyms, hide their identities in social networking sites, masquerade their images, screen their clients, and agree to meet in surreptitious hotel rooms or motels, far from crowds where friends may discover their clandestine activities.
But they do this not because of infidelity but because of survival. I am sure they tell themselves that. Wala akong choice is what I often hear. But I suppose that there are also escorts who proudly flaunt their sexuality as bait. I have met female models who demand an exorbitant fee not to compensate for whatever humiliation they feel but because their beauty and erotic appeal warrant that amount. I wonder if the same exists for the male escort – do they up the ante mainly because they offer the allure of fucking a married man?