in Health

The clean penis

Personal hygiene is a must. Remember when we had that swine flu scare? Boy, that really got people conscious of personal hygiene. Now we have MERS, a close cousin of SARS. Once again, just like swine flu, the most effective prevention strategy is to wash your hands. .

But I wonder: what about your dick? Shouldn't you also be paying attention to your prized possession? It is, after all, close to your butthole, isn't it?

I did some quick Google searches. I was fascinated by the number of articles on cleanliness of men's genitalia. There are articles on penis odor, crusty white residue on one's penis (it's called smegma), interspersed with tales of penis breaking.

WTF?! Penis breaking?!

I broke my arm once. The pain was excruciating. I can't imagine the pain of my penis breaking.

But how does one actually break his penis? Malehealth says that it occurs when it “bashes into an immovable object when erect,” the most common being a woman’s pubic bone. Gee, I wonder how that episode went.

“Is this it? Is this it?”

“No it isn't!”

CRAAAAACCCKKKK!!!!!!!!

“AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!”

If you are uncircumcised, then your foreskin produces a lubricant called smegma that, if you do not washed regularly, leads to an irritatingly smelly white residue.

Itchy penis? If you are uncircumcised, then it's possibly balantis, (interestingly it's Greek for inflammation of the acorn!) which is caused by, among other things, accumulated smegma. If it's around the groin area, it's possibly jock itch. caused by the same fungus that causes athlete's foot. So you better think twice about having your companion appease your foot fetish. Avoiding jock itch can be as simple as wearing boxer shorts or by putting on your socks before your underwear. If the itch is accompanied by a discharge that does not look like urine, then go see a doctor. You may have STD.

Asking the question on penis-washing in the internet is sure to illicit strange answers. The answers ranged from the serious (“with soap in a shower”) to the humorous (“with bleach and a wire brush” and “with sandpaper to even out the bumps”) to the dirty (“with your girlfriend's mouth”).

And why does your penis still smell despite regular washing? Well, according to some, the penis has special sweat glands that release pheromones that cause women to be attracted to you. I have never really put that to the test. “Hi, dear. I haven't washed. Care to smell my dick and see if it makes you horny?”

 

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