in Dating and Relationships

Just say no

A lot of escorts and PSPs and budding models text me and ask me for a rendezvous. They come out of the blue and I can detect a sense of urgency and despair. They say they have sick family members. They say they have problems and want to go shopping for clothes or apparel to relieve them of the stress. One escort lamented about how her brother had lost his job (due to no fault of hers; he was lazy, often tardy, and frequently inebriated) and how she wanted to buy him a Christmas gift to make him forget his sorrows.

Many escorts I know are not the “only child” and they have other siblings, but for some reason they have taken the role as breadwinners for the entire family. Elder brother out of a job? No problem! Sister had a car accident. How can I help? She’ll shack them up in their apartment, pay for the medical bills, pay for the car repairs, feed them, clothe them, care for them, even if it bankrupts her.

So they come to me and ask for help. They lack funds. They are tired and stressed. I shake my head when I hear these stories.

Why can’t they just say no? Here are what I feel are the main reasons:

  • They want to help.
  • They want to be polite.
  • They want to avoid an argument.
  • They want to feel loved.
  • They feel guilty.
  • They fear a lost opportunity.

Saying “no” can be cruel, unsympathetic, selfish. It can ruin relationships. It can demotivate.  You will be looked upon with disdain. Family members and friends will criticise you.

But on the other hand, it can build fortitude. It can relieve stress. It can free up time and resources. It can establish the relationships that are built on solid foundations and end those relationships that drain energy.

I am not saying that one should say “no” every single time, but I am sure you have encountered that situation where you were pressured to give in and which subsequently led to you having feelings of frustration and regret.

Besides, it’s your time and it’s your resources. They aren’t entitled to it. They have no right to demand it from you. Saying “yes” gives them power over you; saying “no” makes you in control of your life.

If someone comes to you and asks for what you feel is an unreasonable favor, say no. It doesn’t have to be difficult. You don’t need to offer an explanation. You don’t need to give excuses. You don’t have to rationalise it. If they threaten you, curse you, criticise you, blame you, guilt-trip you, then they probably aren’t the people you want in your life.

So if you are searching for a resolution this coming year, here’s one for you: learn to say no.

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  1. korek and i concur with you on this one, B. this is one of the things i disdain with the teachings of Catholicism. Strong family ties daw. kaulolan. in the end kayo lahat nagsasuffer if magkasakit ang breadwinner.