in Dating and Relationships

Talking about sex

I will whisper hidden secrets in your ear
I always stumble upon sex advice articles that talk about what women want in bed or what women don’t know about what a man wants in bed. Frustration in the bedroom is a real thing and I have always believed that a lot of these can be solved by simply talking about what one enjoys in sex.

Mia has been forthcoming about her preferences in bed. She confessed to me that she enjoys “a little BDSM” with some squeezing, biting, spanking. I am of course all ecstatic to assuage. So I squeeze and bite and spank. I dig my fingers into her flesh. I grip her shoulders. I put her arms above her head and pin her down. And throughout the episode she is moaning and mouthing dirty instructions. She tells me to suck, to go slow, to pound her furious and deep. She tells me when she is about to come and I tell her to come hard and she does and we collapse in exhaustion.

So here’s my advice: talk about sex. Sex is more fun if you know what your partner enjoys. Don’t talk about it in vague, general terms. Don’t say things like “I like it wild.” Say instead “I love it when you slap me in my ass.” I am a lousy mind-reader so my partner has to explicitly tell me what she wants. And it’s never too early to open up the conversation.  You can do it through chat messages if you find face-to-face awkward. And you could even prompt your partner while you are in the middle of copulation, like whisper seductive instructions – “Do it like that” or “Pinch my nipple hard.”

Now I know we Filipinos may not be as verbose when it comes to sex. So if you need something to initiate a conversation in sex, try answering this questionnaire together with your partner.  The results don’t really matter. The objective is to kick-start the discussion in a fun and playful way. I did it with Mia and I learned a couple of things about her.

What we can learn from the great nude images leak of 2014

To tell the truth, I didn’t bother looking at the naked pics of Jennifer Lawrence or Kate Upton or of any other model that was leaked by the infamous 4Chan. Ok, I did search for the images just to see if it was indeed Jennifer Lawrence and when I saw one I didn’t bother with the rest. I knew then that the news was accurate.

Of course we will find the usual reactions. There are people who are overjoyed that they could view their fantasy celebrity in the nude. There are people who are appalled at their invasion of privacy. And there are the people who now question the security of the internet – especially cloud-based storage – and who now fear for the security of their data in the cloud.

I know that there are people who chastise these celebrities, calling them “sluts” and “whores” and saying that they deserve this situation they are in, that they deserve to be humiliated for their “porn-star” and “whorish” poses.

But then, what can we do to protect our private data?

On remaining a virgin

I know there are many people who look up to Nikki Gil for choosing to remain a virgin until she is married. “It’s my choice,” she said. Good for her! I admire women who make an active decision on their sexuality. A woman’s body is hers and she should not be a slave to what society dictates. I also hope that she did not put any moral judgement about her decision. No “holier-than-thou” attitude. No “slut-shaming.”